{"id":643,"date":"2018-03-21T08:41:00","date_gmt":"2018-03-21T14:41:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/rglongpre.ca\/naturism\/?p=643"},"modified":"2025-11-07T08:45:55","modified_gmt":"2025-11-07T14:45:55","slug":"im-a-slow-earner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/rglongpre.ca\/naturism\/im-a-slow-earner\/","title":{"rendered":"I’m A Slow Earner"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Choosing not to hide<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

More often than not, when I begin to reflect on something I have read from my Buddhist studies, I do so from a deeply personal point of view. Yet, to be truly transparent and authentic, I must allow my self <\/em>to be exposed here rather than remain hidden behind the words I write here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So why is this important? My wife is always asking me why I find it necessary to tell the whole world I\u2019m a nudist rather than keep it private. I guess the best answer that I can give, is the answer I give her, that in keeping it all private, there is an oppressive sense that I am hiding in a closet in order to stay safe, something that I physically had to do as a young child. I hid in boxes, closets and elsewhere hoping to be safe. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the past as I got older, though still a youth, I learned to hide within myself, build barriers so that\u00a0I would not be seen and thus not hurt, as much. As an adult, the barriers were thick, so thick that I lost track of what had been hidden in efforts to protect my\u00a0self\u00a0<\/em>along with all the garbage, the history and the shame. I was a successful, very successful teacher, coach and therapist. Even though I am an introvert, I was able to be active enough in the community to be respected. It all worked until the barriers began crumbling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am somewhat of a slow learner when it comes to dealing with change. I spent years trying to patch up the cracks with no success. When it finally became evident that I couldn\u2019t stop the collapse of the dam holding back all that I had denied about myself, denied to myself, to my wife, to my family and to the world, I ran \u2013 literally. And when running everyday through blizzards and all sorts of weather failed to give me the release, failed to slow down the flood of contents spilling out into my life, I began to run in a different way. I found myself becoming a principal in a new school every year until the last school where it seemed there was no where else left to run, a school in which I was the principal for three years before retiring. Still, the running continued as I hurried from country to country with camera in hand, hoping that the distractions would be enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In spite of the running, in spite of a return to meditation and becoming a Buddhist, in spite of a return to naturalism and of taking the opportunity to relax in retirement, I found that I continued to deny <\/em>myself. I continue to look to others for permission \u2013 no permission, then I would attempt to bury the need and the desire and hope it stayed buried so that I could be accepted as a somewhat normal <\/em>person. Of course, there is no such thing as a normal person, but there is a range of normality within which I still don\u2019t feel I fit in and belong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That leaves me with one final option \u2013 to hell with it all and just be my self, warts and all. Good answer? Who knows, it is my answer.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

More often than not, when I begin to reflect on something I have read from my Buddhist studies, I do so from a deeply personal point of view. Yet, to be truly transparent and authentic, I must allow my self to be … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-643","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/rglongpre.ca\/naturism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/643","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/rglongpre.ca\/naturism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/rglongpre.ca\/naturism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rglongpre.ca\/naturism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rglongpre.ca\/naturism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=643"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/rglongpre.ca\/naturism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/643\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":645,"href":"https:\/\/rglongpre.ca\/naturism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/643\/revisions\/645"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/rglongpre.ca\/naturism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=643"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rglongpre.ca\/naturism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=643"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rglongpre.ca\/naturism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=643"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}