I sometimes find myself looking into one or more of our closets with absolutely no thought of what I am hoping to find. Obviously, I won’t be finding any skeletons in the closet. Well, not literal skeletons. However, I usually find items that have been abandoned for years. When I opened this closet door, my eyes were drawn to a chess game in a tattered box that has sat unused for a few years.
I stared at the box and somehow didn’t take in anything else that may have been sitting on the same shelf. I have played chess using this set, with almost every member of my family with the exception of the two youngest grandchildren. Now, I play online chess. The memories of games won and lost, and games thrown so that beginning chess players get the occasional taste of victory, flit through my head, pleasant memories.
But not everything we bury in our closets give rise to pleasant memories. We do bury psychological skeletons in our closets, those things that wait to be purged. Yet, how often do we find ourselves resisting opening the door to the closet. There are ghosts of the past, those things that lurk, waiting to again inflict trauma on the psyche. We see the closet door and dread opening it. And if we dare open it, it is with a thin veneer of fear that has us rush to grasp whatever it is that we need from the closet.
Much to our discomfort, the good stuff is stored in the same closet as those dark and dangerous things that haunt us when we are sleeping. Too often, we refuse to open the closet door, even to get to the good stuff. We give in to our fear of the dark shadows lurking in the closet. We are faced with a choice, go without the good stuff, or risk another nerve-shattering encounter with the shades and skeletons.
This is what psychotherapy is all about, taking those risks. The difference between self-psychotherapy and other therapies is the presence of a guide. It is so much easier to open the closet door when we know that there is someone beside us, someone who has done battles against these very demons and has emerged whole.
If you find yourself, hesitating and growing more and more lifeless, less and less animated, consider reaching out.