There are a few breaks in the cloud cover this morning with the promise that finally I will get to feel some sunshine on my body. It feels frustrating to be in such a warm environment and find that I must keep my clothing on whenever there is the faintest possibility that someone could see me while I am naked. I have the upper floor of our casa in which I can be nude, but that is about it. In a way, that affects my mood. I become slightly more distant and on edge. Just what am I being stressed about and why? Perhaps, it has to do with the complexity of relationship where there are so many unspoken and unconscious motivations.
“Love so activates the possibilities of self-knowledge that an entire universe heretofore unknown offers itself to the wide and curious eyes of the lover. The outside world takes on colors and shadings that are surprising while the inner world expands, receiving a spark of the infinite.”Carotenuto, Eros and Pathos, p. 9
Perhaps it is because the world both inner and outer, have expanded showing me dimensions of myself in both worlds that both attract and repel me? I learn that it is not the other who is responsible for my mood, but myself. I must choose each step, each response of find myself a victim of my unconscious which would choose without my conscious consent. I am fully aware of having a dark side and a light side hidden in the depths of my unconscious psyche.
Too often we wonder about the “other” in terms of control issues, often blaming the others for our condition and feeling states. What we feel and understand, and how we respond are fully within the realm of “self,” not “other.” The best example I can think of that places that power squarely with the self is with Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning. It’s not a big book and well worth the effort to obtain and read it. Consciously, and more often than not, unconsciously, we own all of our feelings, issues, actions, non-actions, and choices – not choosing is a choice we make.
“… as one’s interior world becomes more intense and vibrant through love, the possibility of communicating one’s perceptions becomes more remote. What emerges from our depths cannot be translated into everyday language.”Carotenuto, pp 9-10
And what is it that lays within the depths? The polarities. With love there is hate. The stronger the force of love, the stronger the force of hate. No emotion exists within a person without its opposite emotion also being present. Typically, we have no clue about that opposite emotion’s existence within us. And when it is felt, we usually attribute that emotion to the “other” who has somehow betrayed us.
The moment we believe that it all at the surface, where everything can be satisfactorily understood if one just asks the right questions, the further we distance ourselves from both answers and questions, especially when we are questioning their motives, moods, and reactions as though they are responsible for our own motives, moods and reactions.
And finally, for today’s post a few more words for thought:
“We must become aware that though we thirst for love, we yet reject it because we fear it, and so take refuge in the flat banality of daily life.”Carotenuto, p. 12