On anticipating a return to my home in Canada, I was flying high after three months of Caribbean sunshine and many, many hours of clothes freedom. I was flying high because I believed that the world back home had changed simply because I had changed.
But it didn’t take long for that euphoria of going home to turn dark. The fact that it was still winter with snow piled up more than a metre in yard and garden with skies that were grey was enough of a change, but couldn’t really explain the descent into a depressive darkness within me. Rather, it was more of a retreat into past that had no bearing on the present. I retreated into a space and place that refused to admit that light existed even though it didn’t feel like it any more. I fell into my own past when hope existed only by thin threads.
Lost in the depression, I refused to allow my skin feel the freedom of being touched by the air, I refused to meditate somehow believing that being naked and meditating would be nothing more than a cruel mockery of reality.
Somehow, through the darkness and depression, a voice and a smile filled with compassion, care and love reached me and pulled me back to the surface of the world. And now, though the snow still lays deep, I find the will to meditate and be clothes free, to dare being more than darkness. Now, I am at home once again, in my home.
There’s a down side to the whole having naturism/nudism become a part of one’s way of being in the world.
The upside is easy – freedom, freshness, and the exhilarating feeling when one feels the sun and the breeze touch the whole body. When around others who are in a state of undress, there somehow seems to be less anxiety about one’s body. The visible proof that almost all bodies are imperfect in comparison tells the truth about one’s own body. In a strange way, even relationship becomes more honest.
But the downside exists. At some point a person has to return back to the real world and find a place within that real world. Unless one’s work and family are all contained within the tiny spaces in which one can find for being clothing free, one buries that face of one’s self in order to protect one’s hidden identity.
Risking disclosure is just that, a risk. With that risk comes the potential loss of respect and relationship in the clothed community. Does one risk showing too much skin, even in the privacy of home without closing all the curtains and draperies and making sure the doors are all locked?
Does one dare to be bare in the back yard when curious eyes might spy one’s condition and work the rumour mill. perhaps even taking photos or videos to spice up the rumours? In some situations, the risk is not so great, especially in larger metropolitan areas where one doesn’t know one’s neighbours.
In other situations the risk is very high, especially in small rural communities where everyone knows everyone else’s business. Regardless of where one is, it is about risk. In worse case scenarios, one also needs to consider the laws against nudity. The punishment for refusing to conform are often harsh.
But what about the psyche? How does one manage to build a positive sense of self that includes nudism or naturism when almost everyone that surrounds a person views naturism and nudism as a perversion? One builds an identity in relation to others. When the collective decides that a particular identity is defective, it works like a toxin on the ego that has adopted such an identity. The only way to continue to hold to the naturist or nudist identity is to go underground, meeting in relative secrecy with others who hold the same needs.
It’s our last full day in Puerto Morelos. I went to sunbathe close to Desires. My wife had shown me a few places between the shore and a barbed wire fence that had somewhat private spots where I could sunbathe without causing any issue. After all, they were close to the nudist resort where passersby got to see nude volleyball games on the beach, as well as others getting all-over tans.
By going to this spot to sunbathe, I spent less time in the studio garden while nude. It made for a good solution to the potential problem. While sunbathing here, I get to skinny dip in the sea without causing a sensation for the bathing suit passersby. That said, I check to see that no one is coming when I make my dash into the sea. Then, I make sure to stay deep enough until the coast is once again clear to return to my beach blanket.
In two days time I will wake up to cold temperatures and a landscape covered in snow. There will be no sunbathing for me for at least a month or two months back on the Canadian prairies. Until then, the only nude time I will get will be indoors, and that will be typically contained to my library-computer room. Que sera, sera!
It takes time . . . Somehow, time doesn’t seem to be plentiful enough for me to be out taking photographs and writing. I know that this is an illusion, a state of mind (or no mind) as I don’t have anything that needs to occupy my time. My days in Puerto Morelos are more about relaxing than of working, especially now that it is beginning to be slightly more than warm. The beaches have been jam-packed with mexicanos because of the Semana Santa , a misnomer as the kids have two weeks off of classes for Easter holidays – the week before and the week after Easter Sunday.
My routines have settled into a sort of simplicity with the day beginning with coffee shared with my wife before she goes for her morning jog and I settle into a session of méditation au naturel / meditación desnudo. Sometimes I meditate indoors, but most of the time I find a place in the back garden that affords privacy as I did this morning.
Today, the regular routine shifted and I found myself heading out to spend two hours nude sunbathing with bits of nude swimming thrown in so that I could cool off my body. Of course, I remembered to use sunscreen since the sun and heat are now more intense. Then it was time to head back to the villa and have some lunch, take care of e-mail and then head back into the garden to read a paperback book rather than a book on my eReader. Naturally, I took advantage of the garden’s privacy to read in the buff. All that is left for me now, is to prepare our evening meal (it’s my turn to cook) before we settle in for a quiet evening here in Mexico
Naturism and Nudism are faces of the collective shadow. In depth psychology, shadow is partially defined as those things that we repress, that we deny about ourselves. Individually we react, unconsciously, with heat and perhaps anger when we are confronted with that which we deny in the actions and behaviours of others. Nudity provokes all kinds of heated response. When one reacts with heat to something or someone or some behaviour, one reacts to one’s own repressed shadow.
One of the big problems is that of defining shadow in strictly negative terms. Through awareness and learning, one comes to understand the ideas of personal and collective shadow. However, that awareness is typically skewed and filtered. Yes, the shadow exists; however, we often cling to the belief that humans need to repress these things for some rationally unexplainable reason. If it is in the shadow, it must belong there. Those that refuse to accept and abide by the collective decrees become bad, untrustworthy, immoral, perverts, evil. This is the collective message daily sent out by the modern western world collective unconscious with regards to those who refuse to hide their naked and natural body.
For the most part, we all buy into this collective unconscious pressure. Naturists and nudists included. Within one’s home, a decision to remove clothing to enjoy moments of clothes-free freedom is matched with closing the draperies, locking the doors, having a housecoat or some other article handy in order to quickly hide the body should someone come to the door. The message to self is that of confirming the belief of the collective. The faces of fear of exposure, of being caught, as well as guilt are part of the baggage, part of the practice.
We do the same things should we decide to dare being skyclad, being closes-free outside of the confines of the walls, locked doors and covered windows of our homes. Should we so dare, we need to prepare our yards or gardens so that we avoid being caught as much as possible. High privacy fences and/or thick high hedges are put into place. One needs to pay attention to nearby buildings that may overlook the yard so as to keep our intended nudity out of view even of these places. We have learned that our right to practice naturism or nudism in our own yards and gardens are non-existent. The rights of our neighbours supersede our own rights. The collective demands the right to avoid seeing the naked human body in normal, everyday life. Any breeches of that right often results in legal and/or social sanctions. There is no wonder that naturists and nudists have a fear of getting caught with their pants down.
Fear and guilt are real yet, the need for being naked is as real as the fear and guilt. For many, that need, mostly an unconscious need, results in repeated risks of being caught and exposed. And, it is that need which soon begins to worry – “is there something wrong with me?” – a fear that perhaps one is mentally disturbed needing psychopharmacological help in order to be cured of such abnormal behaviour. Sadly, most members of the collective would agree with that assessment, that people who need to be nude are sick puppies.
Within the world of social nudism, the same fear exists, the same need for secure privacy to ensure that the nudity of the members does not offend the surrounding general public and thus put the very existence of the resort at risk. There is also a fear of being exploited by voyeurs with cameras, fear of finding that voyeurs have taken their photos and placed them on the web thus exposing their nudity to the world including the families, colleagues and neighbours. The fear is real. With the collective associating nudity with perverse sex, there is a parallel agreement by social nudist who generally forbid single males, especially older males, from becoming guests or members of the resorts based on the irrational fear that all single males, especially the older ones, are perverts at best and pedophiles at worst. Being a nudist doesn’t exempt one from participating in the collective shadow.
We are now in Puerto Morelos at Casa Sorpresas. My wife took a photo of me at my writing table located on the patio outside of our door. The owner lives in the front half of the house while we have the back portion including the high-walled yard. It is perfect. The owner, a woman called Kim, spends the day at her real estate office which means that I can be nude whenever she is away. I brought up the question of being able to be nude and she gave permission for me to treat the private yard as a nude sanctuary.
The casa is just two blocks from the town centre and three blocks from the main beach. The only thing I have found to be uncomfortable is the presence of mosquitoes.
We are in Playa del Carmen in Mexico. Our plans to go to a second location in Belize were trashed, a decision that cost us a month’s paid rent. Though we liked Belize, it was a disappointment in comparison to Puerto Morelos. We were able to book another casa in Puerto Morelos. Until then, we will spend another week in Playa.
We found a bit of privacy at the southern end of the long beach. As we approached that end of the beach, we saw that the few people there were sunbathing nude near the rocks. They saw us coming and then left. With my wife’s encouragement, I wasted no time in stripping off my bathing suit. She took the camera and photographed me before I caught her posing topless for me. There is no tension. I can breath and she is smiling because I am smiling.
There was no beach in Corozal where we were located. I did have some nude sunbathing time in the small yard where we stayed though there was always tension because we weren’t in the building alone.
In our little condo apartment here in Playa, I skip wearing clothing. In the morning we go to the roof top patio where we have coffee and I take time to meditate.
Mmmmm – I feel good and rested and at peace. It’s amazing what four weeks without much of an agenda, lots of sunshine, a place to enjoy that sunshine without worrying about clothing or offending others can do for a person’s well-being. I know that at some point I will be returning to the real world, and by that I mean the world where I have my home, my neighbours and community; a place that is more of a fish bowl than being a stranger in a strange land. This ground-level balcony is where I sit to write au naturel in Corozal, Belize. Around to the left side of the yard is where I get a private space to sunbathe on the white lounger.
At home I have a persona that has put me into a social class that is above many others, and that has its own drawbacks. Neighbours who have become friends are drawn to the house to see my wife and simply to be in proximity as though by being in proximity their own status will rise accordingly. Since we live in a small town of only 550 people, all eyes are watching. There is no chance to hide away in the back yard, garden area for sun bathing as our neighbours enjoy dropping by to have a beer, glass of wine or simply to natter away with their tales of gossip about other neighbours and events. The only time that being clothes free can happen is in the late evening when we lock our doors for the evening and the draperies are closed. The doors get locked to let neighbours know that we are done for the day.
I love my home on the Canadian prairies, and I truly appreciate my friends and neighbours in this town which we adopted as home near the end of my career. I have no intention of leaving to find anonymity in a city, anonymity and privacy. So what is a person to do? Having had so much freedom from clothing here in Belize and Mexico, how will I deal with constantly being under the lens and needing to wear clothing? To risk more would be to risk being a member of the community. Since we came as strangers to this community, all that we have going for us is our participation in this very conservative, even red-necked community. Getting caught with my pants down would shut doors faster than could be imagined. Needless to say, I won’t risk this for either myself or my wife.
Now, this is a story that most naturists have to tell. The place names may change, but we all are part of communities that don’t understand or accept the philosophy of naturism and nudism. We deal with it and make the best possible of our situations as we carve small parts out for our own private needs.
We only have a few days left in our colourful casa near Puerto Morelos before we head off to Belize. It took my wife’s encouragement for me to go out to the end of a pier to meditate for the sunrise. She took this photo while I meditated. I am surprised at how little time I spent nude.
Our casa is just over two kilometres from the centre of the town via the beach. When we walk to town for a few groceries, we pass by a nudist resort called Desires. There are nude bodies on the beach and in the water by the resort, but nowhere else.
Both of us are enjoying this location where we get to do some incredible snorkelling. Though we are excited to go to a new country, we are going to miss this place.
The Christmas decorations are up. This is my job, the putting up of the tree and the Christmas decorations. I do this every year on December first, even when we were in China. There is no religious aspect for me. If anything, I am a pagan who is preparing for the winter solstice and Yuletide.
