I was listening to my wife tell me about some very good stories happening in the world near our home in Canada. One particular story was about a drug addict who had managed to get some control back in her life, enough to open a restaurant and then hire other addicts to be her restaurant staff. They served to be each other’s support system. It was definitely a story that highlighted the best of humanity.
We then talked about our niece who is also an addict and who has managed to regain her career. Then my wife said that she thought that getting back on track was likely easier for a woman than it would be for a man. She added that people don’t trust me so easily, for good reason. It was enough to inspire me to write today’s post.
Even naturists have a hard time trusting men. With one in four women having been the victim of sexual abuse, there is a real fear in place that is based on reality, on a shared experience. It’s not that women are innately fearful of men, after all, the do continue to pair up with men and have families. The do seem to trust men that they know such as co-workers, bosses, teachers, service people, doctors, and so on.
However men who are strangers? Not so much. These strangers might be predators who are armed with a penis that has only one objective in mind – to rape and wound. Is it a fair response to those men who are not predators? That is a question that can only be honestly answered with, “it’s not about fairness, it’s about the real danger that women face simply because they are women.
As a naturist, I wish it was a different story. I would like to be able to go to any naturist venue and be given the benefit of doubt, you know, innocent until proven guilty. These naturist venues are meant to be safe spaces for women, children and men who embrace a clothing-free life while within the safe space. It is their space.
The last thing they want to do is risk their space, risk their safety. So, they lock the gates. Those who are locked out moan about the unfairness of it all, pointing out the fact of declining memberships which are placing so many of the naturist venues at risk. “Open the gates to us,” is seen as a logical response. Yet, psychological safety answers back, “You’re strangers, and you might destroy us.”
Yes, the venues might well shut down. But the point is, those venues are sacred spaces for women and families. Men, even naked men, are problems. Ask any woman who has a Twitter account or Facebook account or a whatever account. Men send dick picks, proudly displaying their weapon, their lance while crowing their mastery. And it isn’t like these men are restricting themselves to women as targets.
I get way too many of these images sent to me, inviting me to suck or present my butt for their pleasure. Check out the number of men with erections on proud display in any and all social media. And all the while, they masquerade as naturists. How do we males police this so that we can somehow regain the trust of women?
Probably more than how do we “control” others, how do we effectively monitor our own shadows? Often, it is checking our words before we hit the word to post a comment or response to an image. An example was seen with an image posted of a young, beautiful woman obviously enjoying a nude moment in nature. The first comment attached to the image was “Sexy!” and then it went downhill from there.
The best response would likely be a simple click on “like” without the need to qualify with a sexual connotation. I have been guilty of not paying attention and being a part of the problem. I think that is the first step, never assume that the shadow and the problem belongs to someone else. Each of us has to own our own shadow.