I want to start off today’s post with a statement: I don’t equate masculinity or femininity to men and women respectively. They are principles of orientation and self-understanding. Gender is gender and not one’s psychology. Biology is a different story. The genetic code is fairly clear on one’s biology. One either has a y chromosome or one doesn’t. No amount of self-identification can change that fact, even if one has undergone a surgical procedure to change the visible evidence of one’s biological gender.
The mind is a different story. I am a man and I identify as such. That said, I am far from an alpha male. I am soft and caring and don’t take charge and don’t do well in leadership roles. As a man, I am often found wanting. I am told I “should be” more like a man and less effeminate. Yet, the evidence of my physical body says otherwise.
The problem in our modern world is that we want to control others where and when we can’t easily control ourselves. That problem given our current economic situation where one can survive outside of a relationship has resulted in an inordinate increase in divorce and separation.
“In our society, sex is wounded by a deep-seated masochism, which finds distorted satisfaction in the suppression of desire. This masochism is a symptomatic and destructive form of surrender. Instead of giving in to our passions, allowing emotion to course through our bodies and psyches, and generously offering ourselves to intimacy, we surrender our joy in life to any authority we can find and we find many authorities willing to condemn us for our longings and pleasures.”Thomas Moore, The Soul of Sex, pp 16-17
And as Jung once said, what is suppressed consciously will find a way to escape. We suppress our sexuality and it re-emerges, usually in a manner that is unhealthy. We see the evidence in our modern world. Nudist gatherings and venues are vested in controlling sexuality, promoting the idea that nudity and the nude body are just nude and have nothing to do with sexuality and sex.
Churches have long done the same doing their best to have sex become only a source of procreation rather than an act of joy. Sex is equated with sin, and sin leaves everyone feeling guilty for having repressed desires. We are in a mess and our soul suffers. Getting out of that mess takes a lot of work, a return to being the original self as a woman or as a man.