It’s my birthday and I am now seventy-two years old. I am fortunate to have good health though I would like to have more control of my life. My body and mind mind are rebels with wills of their own. My muse is very fickle of maintaining control of my creative efforts. My ego is stubborn and too often asserts that he is in charge of everything. Lordy, what a mess.

Who is in control of whom. It’s a topic that has spurred many discussions in my own home, especially about my nudity. However, the subject is not just about nudists or naturists and the images they post on various social media platforms. It is also at the heart of all relationships beginning with a parent and child.

I see this all too vividly with my grandchildren who span the ages of 2 to 25. The first instance comes when an infant shows resistance or outright refusal. No one is immune to the issue of control. Now, with that said, I want to return to the issue of control as it affects naturists and nudists, or people who just plain want to shed their clothing without being labelled.

My wife has asked me not to share images of her. And, so I don’t. It is as simple as that. She has also asked that I don’t share images of myself on social media sites where family and friends are connected to me. The requests are reasonable though didn’t have to be made as I had no intention of posting images on these sites – and as an aside, those sites wouldn’t permit such images to be posted regardless.

So, is this an issue of control? She has never told me not to post photos though I know that if she had her way there would be no such posting, let alone photos taken to be posted. And, it isn’t that she gives permission or allows me to take my photos or post the odd one here and there. I give myself permission. And that, is a key factor in getting and keeping control of one’s own identity.

You know that you are in a toxic relationship when someone uses the relationship and threats of ending the relationship, or at the least their extreme disappointment and displeasure, to control who posts what on social media. “Don’t post photos of your _______!” – fill in the blank.

The pressure to go full frontal, or to avoid full frontal by a significant other can overwhelm when one feels that their relationship will come to an end otherwise. For too many, the threat of ending a relationship will have them walk on eggshells around their partner.

For a naturist/nudist/whatever to have their significant other who is also a nude, to take control [or want to control] one’s nude experiences and expression is confusing at the least. Removing clothing is about embracing freedom and claiming self-ownership. Self-concept grows into self-confidence. However for some, the focus on “Self” slips into narcissism where the partner is a subset in the relationship. The best response is to reclaim self-ownership. Clinging to dependency on the other at the cost to self-esteem is a recipe for anxiety, depression, and loss of self.

I know, it is easier said than done, especially for those who have invested decades into a relationship with children and perhaps even grandchildren in the picture. Yet, I do know that the self shrivels and dies inside when everything revolves around the power and whims of the partner. The response to a controlling other is to reclaim control over self. The attempt to turn the tables and control the other is not a healthy response.

So, where does that leave a person when the healthiest thing to do is to walk away, close the door to the controlling other? “Do I or don’t I?” My response, inform the “other” of the new boundaries regarding control. There is a chance that the “other” will hear and believe and thus provide a path forward for the relationship. However, for most such situations, the response is closure. Closing the door to the old relationship allows a new door to open. A word of caution, that primary new relationship needs to be about rebuilding the relationship with self, not grasping for a new “other.”

Time is needed.