Though I am a naturist and I am comfortable around other people who are unclothed and refrain from sexualising my nudity or their nudity, I am a man who has sex on my brain. I am drawn to women and not to men. But to be more precise, I am sexually attracted to some women who are often strangers. Thankfully, this all happens within my head and doesn’t get acted upon. I have my sex drive under control.
Now, as most of my readers know, I have a life partner who is a woman. I am fortunate in that despite being together since 1970, we still find sexual satisfaction in each other on a regular basis. In between, we find it difficult to be apart – sight, sound, and touch reaffirm connection. So, why do I find myself drawn to other women, especially those who are found more in cyberspace than in my local, real world?
Simple answer – I am a man. My dreams and fantasies are about women. For those women who are in my local world, those dreams and fantasies remain unexpressed and are not acted upon.
Why? Well, those dreams and fantasies are not really about those women but about my inner world and my psyche. There is a separation between inner world and outer world. When the ego refuses to accept an inner world, there is difficulty in containing those dreams and fantasies. Unwanted advances, sometimes even rape, sexual innuendo or verbal comments that are unwelcome are often the products of that lack of self-awareness.
As I wrote those words, I thought of other options. There are many other options. Some people are polyamorous, some are bisexual, some as couples simply like to experiment with others whom they trust. None of these options are wrong. Self respect and respect for others are vital in approaching other options. It can’t only be about pleasing “self.” Focus on just pleasing self reduces the “other” to being an object rather than an equal partner.
If one is only focusing on self, then those thoughts must be kept internalised – or taken to a psychotherapist, psychoanalyst, or psychiatrist in order to safely come to terms with what is boiling under the surface of the ego.