Sexuality – Inner World vs Outer World

Though I am a naturist and I am comfortable around other people who are unclothed and refrain from sexualising my nudity or their nudity, I am a man who has sex on my brain. I am drawn to women and not to men. But to be more precise, I am sexually attracted to some women who are often strangers. Thankfully, this all happens within my head and doesn’t get acted upon. I have my sex drive under control.

Now, as most of my readers know, I have a life partner who is a woman. I am fortunate in that despite being together since 1970, we still find sexual satisfaction in each other on a regular basis. In between, we find it difficult to be apart – sight, sound, and touch reaffirm connection. So, why do I find myself drawn to other women, especially those who are found more in cyberspace than in my local, real world?

Simple answer – I am a man. My dreams and fantasies are about women. For those women who are in my local world, those dreams and fantasies remain unexpressed and are not acted upon.

Why? Well, those dreams and fantasies are not really about those women but about my inner world and my psyche. There is a separation between inner world and outer world. When the ego refuses to accept an inner world, there is difficulty in containing those dreams and fantasies. Unwanted advances, sometimes even rape, sexual innuendo or verbal comments that are unwelcome are often the products of that lack of self-awareness.

As I wrote those words, I thought of other options. There are many other options. Some people are polyamorous, some are bisexual, some as couples simply like to experiment with others whom they trust. None of these options are wrong. Self respect and respect for others are vital in approaching other options. It can’t only be about pleasing “self.” Focus on just pleasing self reduces the “other” to being an object rather than an equal partner.

If one is only focusing on self, then those thoughts must be kept internalised – or taken to a psychotherapist, psychoanalyst, or psychiatrist in order to safely come to terms with what is boiling under the surface of the ego.

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6 Responses to Sexuality – Inner World vs Outer World

  1. Very mindful and stirring thoughts here toward sexuality. For us as a couple we have shared thoughts and fantasies about sexuality. We also both have separate thoughts about sexual fantasies. We agree that some of these are with cyber friends and non-friends too as well as known friends. We have ventured together at times to explore those sexual moments both with cyber friends and in person friends with great satisfaction for us both. Then there are the times when we have separately had the opportunities to explore alone. We live open-mindedly with trust and respect for each other’s needs and wants, thus allowing each other the necessary permission to fulfil both fantasy and physical need. By doing so it has intrinsically made our relationship stronger each time. Thus, we are equal partners.

    T & K

  2. Robert Payne says:

    Thank you, Robert.

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