Nu comme le jour où je suis né

The Issue of Control and Relationships

BBQing in winter.

I just returned from a sojourn at my son’s home where I got to play extensively with my three grandchildren in the house. My son and his wife also got some of my attention – but not near as much as their children. With my return home, a few chores were waiting for my attention such as shovelling off the driveway before moving on the clear the pathways in the backyard, including a new path to my old propane barbeque which will get a workout late this afternoon.

My next blog post will return to exploring more of Thomas Moore’s book, The Soul of Sex with Joy’s images making their own statement about sexuality, rediscovering one’s sexuality, or rewilding as Joy terms it. Today’s post is more mundane as I am not ready to do the research to make a decent post of a psychological nature. Like is mostly mundane anyway. There are more chores yet to do today and a longish hike to take since the weather is mostly cooperative, excepting wind.

Anything I do within the house is always done clothing free. When outside, I wear clothing because it is winter, so that means the hike will be done while wearing clothing. With my wife, it is a different story. She loves her clothing. We are different people and we accept that difference …. for the most part. Naturally, there is no such thing as 100% compatibility between two people who are in a relationship. Even if we were both naturists or both textiles, there are many, many more factors that prevent one hundred percent accord. The primary difference that causes the most separation is the mind.

Both parties of a relationship come with a history. Differing environments while growing up, and each household even within the same dominant culture, leads to different responses to various physiological and psychological stimuli. What is more important are the hidden from self and other aspects, one’s unconscious contents. Despite that separate history, two parties in a relationship can decide to go with that which they are aware, those points of contact which result in mutually satisfactory feelings. For example, we both love walking, winter and summer, especially walking together.

Of course, as in our situation, there are more things we share than which keeps us apart. And even then, we have learned to do different things while still sharing space and time. Another example, I write while nude and she does her thing while clothed. We can see and hear each other while we are separately engaged. There is no attempt to try and control the other. And there lays one of the key deal breakers in a relationship – the issue of control.


  1. sassycoupleok

    It is very hard to find a relationship where both are compatible with full time nudity. We both count our blessings in that regard daily. That said we both also have varying interest outside of nudity and allow each other the time and space required for such activity. It’s a give and take situation that we make work quite nicely thru love, trust and respect.

    • rglongpre

      Yes, respect for the differences.

  2. NaturistFabArt

    It is a delicate balance in any relationship. Too often, we lose a part of ourselves in the early stages while trying to make that relationship work.

    I do my work and chores around the house nude while my husband remains clothed. It took a few years for him to accept this part of me. It is not something he is into but thankful he allows me that freedom.

    • rglongpre

      I think the key is that the “other” accepts the differences. Allowing the differences implies that the other still has control … example allow vs not allow … the power is held in one set of hands regardless.

  3. Melvin & Sandy

    Thanks we had our differences front stage this morning since this is both are second marriage brought lot of baggage along that still raises it ugly head. Again thanks for sharing.

    • rglongpre

      Good to hear from you, Melvin. Send me an email and we can talk more.

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