Nu comme le jour où je suis né

Month: February 2021 (Page 2 of 2)

Roots of Misogyny

I wrote a post back in December 2011 that explored the roots of misogyny. Sad to say that misogyny is thriving in today’s world. As a father of two adult daughters who are mothers, there is nothing that gets my ire up more than hearing men demean women without knowing anything about the women they are directing disgusting statements. In the world of naturism, women have a hard go. Too many men respond to any image of women unclothed with dick pics and salacious comments. Whenever a man senses the loss of being in control, he typically resorts to attacking an “other” whom he blames for stealing that control. Unknown to the man is the fact that is not the “other,” a woman out there, who has done this to him. The culprit lays within himself, in his shadow, buried in a negative mother complex. With that said, here is the original post.

~

The feminine isn’t all about love. Venus the goddess of love has her twin, Kali the goddess of death and destruction. Every archetype has both a dark side and a light side, the archetype of the feminine is no different. When we project the feminine onto others, we often attach either the dark or the light aspect of the feminine. We want to possess the light-faced feminine and fear being possessed by the dark-faced feminine. The dark feminine has many faces. The most fearsome for modern men is the face that is called Vagina Dentala.

One must understand that the fear some men have of the feminine is the fear of being emasculated. As always, irrational fears are projected onto women. When a man cannot own his fear and see that his fear is about his own relationship to his feminine, his own soul, the man has dark fantasies where a woman will devour his penis, leaving him without the proof of his being a man. 

Such a man cannot relate well to real women and often becomes a misogynist. He hates women because he fears women. He fears women because he believes that given a chance women will make him a eunuch in fact if not in spirit. The vagina is feared as a dark place that will steal a man’s energy leaving him a prisoner, drugged with her sex.

Is this a condition born out of negative personal mother experiences? Is this a condition born out of rejection and ridicule during early adolescence? It doesn’t matter where the condition arises or if it even arises. All men have at least a small fear of becoming impotent, of being less of a man, a fear of not being man enough for his woman. That fear translates into a lucrative business of drugs that allow the penis to stand tall giving a man the illusion that he is a man.

Paternalistic religions are often placing women in the role of darkness. Christianity puts the blame all on Eve. Many other religions require women to hide themselves so that their physical aspect doesn’t corrupt men. Women are denied education, denied equality, denied, defiled and often destroyed. In many eastern cultures, there is a belief that only men can aspire to a heaven-like post-life existence, and that only if they live celibate lives.

And all of this fear of the feminine within a man is projected upon the women, the girl children and even female babies. How many cultures both past and present devalue the birth of a female. In China, the state is trying to prevent disclosure of fetus gender as it sends pregnant women to abortion clinics. Female babies do get abandoned. If only men could become more conscious and withdraw their fear and get to know their own feminine nature.

The Twins: Relationships Exposed

This post was written in early December 2011. The images used were not of ego and skyclad. The choice of images had to do with the topic and time.

~

The full moon was out recently and I watched as it was engulfed by the earth’s shadow. The event was shared with a few others, some of whom could speak English, but most of whom could only speak Mandarin. In spite of the barriers to communication, the event built a sense of connection, of community. The full lunar eclipse seemed to open a portal to the unconscious allowing for an easier dialogue.

Ego: I am actually glad that I get to talk with you again. It seems to be getting easier to connect with you.

Sky Clad: I guess that you are ready for more connection. I want to comment that your recent posts seem to have been dealing more with “mother,” sort of continuing where we left off at our last visit together.

Ego: You’re right of course. It seems that some door opened up and the stuff just keeps coming out. It seems that I can’t turn off the tap, so to speak. I can’t and don’t want to stop writing or thinking about what to write. It almost seems as if life is getting in the way of getting it out and said. 

Sky Clad: I can tell. Your mind certainly isn’t on your paid work <smile>.

Ego: I have been thinking about my relationship with my wife, how much that is conscious as well as unconscious. The “attraction” is still powerful and I am lucky that it goes two ways. But, I do see how I still project my need for mother onto her. It gets confusing when there are several layers of conscious and unconscious relationship with one person.

Sky Clad: Yes it does. As you are beginning to notice, the more you discover about your “self,” the better the relationship is becoming. Awareness of the layers, especially being able to see (at least after the fact) that projections have happened lets you dig under the layers to see what is energized, what is activated. 

Ego: I think I understand. The neediness, the need for physical contact, for affirmation, for acceptance that has its roots in my childhood has been expressed within my marital relationship. I am learning that there has been (and still continues to be) a reciprocal set of projections where I provide the “father” needs for my wife. Being able to talk about these has lessened the intensity, but has not removed them completely. In a way, I don’t think they can disappear. There is something vital in being needed and in needing in relationships.

Sky Clad: Hmmm . . . 

Ego: It’s easy to see how a guy could get lost in a woman though . . .

Sky Clad: Tell me what you’re thinking about here.

Ego: Well, you know, it feels so good – I feel so complete – but then I seem to disappear for a while.  When I am back in my skin, I want to get lost in her again and again and again. 

Odysseus and Circe

Sky Clad: Sounds like you are well on the journey, but unaware of what is happening. I want you to think of the journey of Odysseus. On that journey he fell under the spell of the feminine, under the spell of Circe who would have taken Odysseus’ manhood with the help of Hermes; and again how Odysseus was trapped by Calypso, on his way “home.” Odysseus spent years, lost in the intimacy of sex and passion in Calypso’s bed. There is a difference between getting lost in “le petit mort” of passion and authentic relationship between the masculine and the feminine. Odysseus learns this and is able to continue his journey to Penelope. At some point you have to learn the difference.

Ego: Is intimacy something to avoid? Are you saying that marriage doesn’t involve marital relations?

Sky Clad: Not at all – just that you need to be aware of what is really happening to you and why you are partaking in these relations. Is sex being used to contain and control you or by you to control her? Or is sex a shared intimacy freely given with no strings attached? Once you get that figured out, then you can look at your partner with a few less projections and hooks getting in the way – both of you become conscious of how and what your relationship is about. Enough for today – go meditate on this.

Success – Clothes Make the Man

Here is yet another post from November 2011.

~

Sometimes being successful in life is a dangerous thing for the psyche and for the soul. Of course, I can only speak from my experience with any certainty, and even that is sometimes a bit suspect. If I look back I can indeed see that I have been successful in a number of areas such as in my chosen professions of education and psychotherapy. As well as the practice of my professions, I took part in the professional organisations within which I managed to rise into executive positions. By all standards, I had it made – skill, acclaim and peer recognition – I was successful.

But what did it take to be successful? In my case, if anything, I needed to add layers of persona, layers that masked and muffled any aspect of myself that might get in the way of being successful. In a way it wasn’t much different than preparing myself for a day of skiing where I would don layer upon layer of clothing so as to protect myself from the weather – the cold, the wind, and even the blinding sun reflecting off of the snow – layers for protection of the self, the core physical self and the core psychological self. I became the personae and believed in being the personae.

Even when I wasn’t engaged in education or in counselling, I was the master teacher, principal, master facilitator, empathetic therapist and caring counsellor. My personality became contained within these boundaries. I lost sight of my depths as I bought into my professional roles as my definition of self. And that is where the problems began as the parts of me that were buried under the layers upon layers of personae left my spirit stifled much as the roots of this tree in the image, stifled a holy temple.

The way back to one’s self is not an easy task as the outer layers cling so tightly that it seems impossible to find any space to move or to allow new light within. In spite of being retired now for six years, people with whom I interact from my past still see me as counsellor or as principal.  Even my spouse is defined by the personae with which I cloaked myself – the principal’s wife.

Part of peeling back the layers is to enter into a new way of being in a different place where others have no embedded notions of who one is. Daring to strip away everything, one can become a more transparent, and perhaps a more authentic person. This is the appeal of a shift to a naturist way of being – one strips away the clothing and the persona and stands naked, honest.

The Twins: In a Private Place and Space

Philippine meditation

This is the second post from November 2011 featuring my ego and the shadow represented with a nude, skyclad version of myself. The personal shadow doesn’t only contain the dark stuff we don’t want to let loose [think of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde], it also contains a lot of positive, light aspects of our full self. Here is the post from November 12th, 2011.

~

The work in digging into one’s deeper self in order to better understand oneself is one that is not to be taken lightly. For most, it is likely a task that would not feel right and be quickly abandoned.  Yet sometimes, the work is uplifting and animates the spirit nd the body. Today “I,” the ego or conscious self, found a balcony surrounded by palm and other tropical trees in the Philippines for a meditative moment. The warm, moist air washed over me as I meditated and the muffled sounds of human life and conversations became part of the sounds of the breeze.  As always, I meditated skyclad.  And as always, I positioned myself so as to not be visible to passing eyes.  Meditation is private and only shared with others when those others are also meditating.

There is a risk in taking off the clothes, going skyclad in a culture where nudity is more about evil (sex) than goodness. Taking off ones psychic clothing and becoming transparent is also not received well for most. Like a physical nakedness, a spiritual and psychic nakedness needs to be contained in safety as if being placed on an altar in a temple, a holy place of sacred safety.

Ego: God, it’s hot out here; it must be 34 C not counting the humidity.

Sky Clad: Don’t be such as stuffed shirt. Take of some of those clothes and feel the breeze on your skin.

Ego: Are you crazy? Someone might see me, and then I’d be in deep shit.

Sky Clad: Hmmm? I said take off some clothes, not parade around as if you were in a Pride Parade. Other people don’t have anything to do with letting a bit of air cool you off. With all those layers, air can’t even tell that you are there!

Ego: Well, I guess I could – maybe I can find a secluded enough place around here somewhere.

Sky Clad: No problem, just place a towel over the arms of your chair and it will provide more than enough privacy, protect others from seeing you exposed. Everyone will assume you are protecting your chair from your wet bathing suit, never guessing that you are naked behind the wall of white that the towel creates for you.

Ego: Okay . . . hey, this isn’t so bad, it actually feels cool out. But still . . .

Sky Clad: Enough, you know it isn’t about your naked skin at all. It is about a shame that you have for your own skin.

Ego: A shame that I have? Not in the least . . . I could get arrested for this! You know there are laws against nudity. I could go to jail, get tossed out of the country, lose my passport . . .

Sky Clad: Do you really think so? I see you sitting up on a balcony in a courtyard area where few people are to be found; and you are hidden behind that towel. Someone would really have to go out of their way to see you. Do you think anyone even cares what you are wearing or what you are doing when you aren’t in their face? Besides, all that is just a smoke screen to avoid talking about something real, something deep. What was it about the word shame that made you take off on a tangent?

Ego: I never said I was ashamed of my body!

Sky Clad: Oh? Then what are you ashamed of that makes you take it out on your body?

Ego: Wha . .  . ?

Sky Clad: Think about it. I’ll come back later when you are ready to deal with it. For now, just catch a few breezes and begin to trust that you are safe in this quiet and protected space on your balcony.

The Twins: Naked Beneath The Persona

sky clad
ego

Well, a comment made about how everything published on the Internet, for example a blog post or an image, is forever available, had me search for just that possibility. That eventually got me interested enough to search for my old blog sites. Unfortunately, only a few cached pages could be found using the WayBackMachine. However, what I did find, were a number of old posts that I will be bringing back into existence from November 2011 to the end of January 2012. That was all I was able to locate. I will be bringing the first of these blog posts back today. The original post was called Twins: Naked Beneath Your Persona, and was posted on November 3rd. At that time, I was teaching at a university in China, my third year at the same university.

~

Taking time out each day to prepare my lessons, to teach classes and to evaluate what I have done and where I have been in relation to my university students often leaves me drained. I have been doing this for a long time, and find myself still doing this six years after I have retired. I get tired but I don’t seem to know how to let go of my role as educator, teaching about the human psyche, personality and relationships.

So many years as teacher, confidant, counsellor, coach, sage and father figure have made me wonder who I am under all of these roles.  Of course, having a life at home, a family life only adds more and more roles into the mix. Once upon a time I had also added in athlete, musician and poet into the mix. Today? I don’t know who the hell I am anymore.

Sky Clad: Hmmm – who are you beneath the roles, beneath the personae that have defined you in schools, in the family and in the community? So tell me, who do you see when you look in the mirror?

Ego: A tired and graying man. I don’t really recognize the face as it appears to be much too old for my face.

Sky Clad: Well, I hate to break the bad news to you, but that face is your real face. So is the gray hair that is thinning out quite a bit in case you haven’t noticed.

Ego: Thanks, that was encouraging.

Sky Clad: Actually, that is good news.

Ego: What the hell do you mean by that?

Sky Clad: Think about it, you don’t have to wonder about who the real you is, what you see is what you get. There is no thirty year old body trapped within your body. Face it, you have a body to match your face, a body and face to match your years. No lies, no masks – just you.  Of course you can let your beard grow again, but that really won’t make much of a difference, just a hairier version of what you see now.

Ego: That still begs the question of who I am beneath all the different roles I play. I’ve been reading up on some Jungian stuff and what is says about persona and the authentic person and individuation and projections and . . . well, at least some of it.

Sky Clad: I hate to break it to you, but some of that Jungian stuff you’ve been reading is just a bunch of New Age claptrap. Listen up a bit and I’ll see if I can shed a little light on the subject. First, if you take off your clothing, does it change who you are?

Ego: Other than being naked and probably leaving me feeling cold and foolish, not really. I get naked from time to time you know, it’s not as if I’m a Victorian prude or something.

Sky Clad: My point, Putting the clothing back on doesn’t change who you are either. Clothed or skyclad, you are still you.

Ego: Okay. So far I follow what you are saying. So what exactly are you trying to say?

Sky Clad: Just this, your personae, the roles you play are all a part of who you are, they aren’t simply masks and mirrors hiding the real you. Of course, you are more that these limited number of roles, you are all the other roles that you have fantasized about, thought about in your head.

Ego: You have to be kidding, you can’t be serious!

Sky Clad: Just think about it – why and how could I bullshit you. All I can do is tell you the naked truth.  Ha ha, that was a good one – I’m naked telling the naked truth – a pun indeed.

Ego: Explain.

Sky Clad: What? The pun?

Ego: Geesh! No, this stuff about me being my personae AND my fantasies.

Sky Clad: Oh that. Well, as I was saying, you are quite a complex person, and a complexed person I might add, but that is a different topic for a different visit. I think you understand about the nature of personality how one is caught between the polarities of extraversion and introversion. Well, take that idea further. For example, you teach and are a teacher, but at the same time you are working behind the scenes as a learner, as a student.

Ego: So what has that to do with my fantasies?

Sky Clad: Just be patient. In your lived life you have been faithful to your wife – no sleeping around, no adultery. I guess you could say that you are an exemplary model of fidelity. Yet, you know that beneath your skin, you aren’t so exemplary at all. Even today you looked at some of the young women in your classes with lust, could almost visualize them without their clothing and began wondering what it would be like.

Ego: Still, I kept my dick in my pants and didn’t cheat on my wife.

Sky Clad: Because of a strong ego, you managed that. The point is, there is a part of you that is willing and ready to fuck just about any woman who smiles at you, and even some that don’t even know you exist. The adulterer is there and you know it. 

Ego: Okay, I’ll admit to the truth of what you are saying. But everything, all of my fantasies?

Sky Clad: Yes, all of them. They are all telling you something about who you are. Your lived roles in the outside world and your repressed dreams and fantasies, you are all of these. There is no you that exists that doesn’t include them, all of them. That’s the problem with a lot of the quacks who claim to be therapists and analysts; they claim to be ready to help you find the real you, a you stripped of your personae.

Ego: Hmmm.  I gotta think about this.

Sky Clad:  Take your time; I’ll be back when you’re ready for more.

Newer posts »
%d bloggers like this: