I am bringing back a piece I wrote four years ago. I hope you enjoy it. …
I know that it has been said so many times that it almost seems redundant to say it once more, but it has to be said. We are born naked – all of us – without exception. It doesn’t matter what religion or what philosophy or what ideology one has; we were conceived the same way – a naked penis inserted into a naked vagina in order for naked sperm to join naked ova (yes, I know that science has allowed a few other options) and create new life. Love doesn’t have to have anything to do with it, but it is better for most humans when it is done in during a moment of shared love. A number of months later, a new human slips through the birth canal of a woman to emerge, still connected with the mother via an umbilical cord. This new human emerges through the vagina which is again naked, that must be naked if the baby is to actually emerge into the world. This new human is naked.
Now, if we listen very closely to what our society, we learn that this natural, naked body that we are all born with, is somehow something to be ashamed of, something to be hidden for it is gross, leads us to think and do all sorts of perverted things. We almost become sure that it is even evil. For example, what about the idea of praying to whatever version of the creator, deity, God that you believe in – would you pray naked? What about your visions of heaven, or whatever form of afterlife there may be according to your faith – is heaven clothing optional, clothing obligatory, or nude only?
Try to remember that the Creator went to a lot of trouble to create the earth, the heavens, all the animal and plant life and humans. And, with all of them, the creator didn’t plan on clothing factories. The first humans were nude and the creator stated that it was good. This is the same creator that somehow knows everything, or so we claim. We know we can’t really hide from the Creator – not behind doors, behind trees, behind others, or behind clothing. The Creator sees all, knows all. And most importantly, the Creator doesn’t make mistakes. The words of this Creator are treated as gospel. Humans are fallible, but the Creator is infallible. For those that believe in any religion that has a deity, this is just the way it is. I come from a Christian background and in Christianity, that is the way it is as well.
God created Adam and Eve, naked. It’s in the Bible. When he was done creating the first man and woman, naked, he said it was good. He didn’t tell them that they had to cover up or he would condemn them to hell. Nope, it was all good. A little further along in the story of the Bible, Adam and Eve try to hide from God, not a smart move as God knows all, sees all, sees right through their hiding and their covering up. And that wasn’t so good for Adam and Eve. They covered up their naked bodies and felt ashamed of their nakedness. Can you imagine the audacity to question God’s take on nakedness? He created two beautiful humans, nude; and these two fallible humans were ashamed of that creation. So begins a sad story of man’s fall from grace.
Today we have absolutely no problem believing that this perfect creation was a botched job, that God messed up big time. And, we have absolutely no issues with fixing that initial problem any way that we can – jail time, shunning, stoning, murder, shaming, slandering and the ultimate threat – God will send you to hell. Yep. Our good churches and church leaders have had a long conversation with God and got Him to see the error of his ways and straighten out His act. We’ve even convinced God to set up some robe factories so that all the angels, saints, and God Himself have their offending bodies covered.
Listen in – I’ve gone through the trouble of transcribing the conversation that took place between a gathering of Church leaders in Constantinople about 1800 years ago.
Church leaders: Why did you have to make people naked? It’s just not right!
God: I didn’t see a need to cover their nakedness. As I said in the good book. I saw what I had done and said it was good.
Church leaders: Well, in case you haven’t noticed, it hasn’t been good. Have you seen the stats lately? Fornication, rape, murder, mayhem, adultery – you name it, it’s all there.
God: Umm, what’s that got to do with me inventing humans naked?
Church leaders: Everything! Naked people have no shame, no morals.
God: I can’t say as I exactly see it your way.
Church leaders: Yeah, we know. You still haven’t admitted that your mistake with Adam and Eve being naked was the reason for them breaking your rules. Can’t admit that you screwed up there – yet. Well, we have hope that you’ll come around and make it better.
God: How do I make it better in you viewpoint?
Church leaders: Well first, no more of this naked nonsense. It’s got to stop. We thought that from now on, you wear a big robe and a beard so that only a few parts of your face and your hands are all the skin that shows. What d’ya say. Can you do it?
God: In case you didn’t notice, I have a perfect body.
Church leaders: Good lord already. We can’t have you running around with your dick flopping around. First thing you know, everyone would be running around displaying their junk.
Church leaders: You know, penises. Now as we were saying. This has got to stop. Cover up the angels, the cherubim, the saints. Clean up your act and let us edit your words so that it stays that way.
God: Edit my words? What do you mean? You want to re-write the book? Wouldn’t that be like, lying?
Church leaders: Think of it as problem solving. We could have you add in another commandment. Thou shalt not be naked. We’ll take it from there as your representatives down here on earth.
God: Are you out of your minds? Ten commandments, not eleven. You can’t just mess with the truth, guys.
Church leaders: Yeah, we hear you. We took a vote earlier just in case this was a sticky point. How about we toss out the “coveting of neighbour’s goods?” It will be easier to fill the church coffers and we force people to keep their damned clothes on.
God: Count me out on all of this. I still like my work so far. As for wearing robes, I don’t think so. Heaven has perfect climate if you want to know. Everyone up here is naked, just like the Garden of Eden. No crime to speak of either. In case you guys haven’t yet figured it out, sin is a state of mind, nothing to do with a lack of clothing.
Church leaders: Yeah, we thought you’d say something like this. As a precaution, we’ve hired the best advertising agent money can buy to sell our message.
God: You can’t be serious? You actually have signed a contract with the devil?
Church leaders: We sure as hell couldn’t count on you, could we? We’ll clean up your mess. All we ask is that you keep your mouth shut and keep your nose out of our business.
God: Nothing good is going to come out of this. I feel sorry for humans with this lot in charge. Life on earth will become like living in hell.