Taking what I need

I have been awake since about 4:45 this morning. I am not tired and the early morning light made it impossible to go back to sleep. After taking some time to wash up I spent a good session in meditation before having a half cup of coffee and a piece of baguette with peanut butter and banana. The sky is clear and the forecast is for a decent day, something I am looking forward to. I am surprised at how well I am sleeping even though the bed is too soft and not all that comfortable. I guess being at peace has a lot to do with it. The idea of spending almost all day outside to walk, read, write and even have chats with people while being clothes free gives me an uplifting feeling and makes me smile both inside and out.

Simply being in the sunshine, naked, does so much to settle me down, to force me to look at life with a better mood.  It feels as if I have all the world giving me gifts for my healing. At times, I even forget that I have been carrying so much broken pieces around that I call my life, my identity. Sitting here with the sun heating my back as you see in the photo, I sense that this is what I have been waiting for, this is what is the path back to being fully alive and present in the physical realm of living. This is me, nothing hidden, hopeful and filled with positive expectation. I don’t have a clue where I am headed with all of this. I am simply trusting that this is where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to do as the next days, weeks and years unfold in front of me. I have given up trying to call all the shots, given up trying to control life and people around me.

And now, a few words from Moore to say better what I am learning:

Finally, and this may be the most difficult task of all, give yourself what you need at the deepest level. Care rather than cure. Organize your life to support the process. You are incubating your soul, not living a heroic adventure. Arrange life accordingly. Tone it down. Get what comforts you can, but don’t move against the process. Concentrate, reflect, think, and talk about your situation seriously with trusted friends.” [p. xx]