The full moon was out recently and I watched as it was engulfed by the earth’s shadow. The event was shared with a few others, some of whom could speak English, but most of whom could only speak Mandarin. In spite of the barriers to communication, the event built a sense of connection, of community. The full lunar eclipse seemed to open a portal to the unconscious allowing for an easier dialogue.

Ego: I am actually glad that I get to talk with you again. It seems to be getting easier to connect with you.

Sky Clad: I guess that you are ready for more connection. I want to comment that your recent posts seem to have been dealing more with “mother,” sort of continuing where we left off at our last visit together.

Ego: You’re right of course. It seems that some door opened up and the stuff just keeps coming out. It seems that I can’t turn off the tap, so to speak. I can’t and don’t want to stop writing or thinking about what to write. It almost seems as if life is getting in the way of getting it out and said. 

Sky Clad: I can tell. Your mind certainly isn’t on your paid work <smile>.

Ego: I have been thinking about my relationship with my wife, how much that is conscious as well as unconscious. The “attraction” is still powerful and I am lucky that it goes two ways. But, I do see how I still project my need for mother onto her. It gets confusing when there are several layers of conscious and unconscious relationship with one person.

Sky Clad: Yes it does. As you are beginning to notice, the more you discover about your “self,” the better the relationship is becoming. Awareness of the layers, especially being able to see (at least after the fact) that projections have happened lets you dig under the layers to see what is energized, what is activated. 

Ego: I think I understand. The neediness, the need for physical contact, for affirmation, for acceptance that has its roots in my childhood has been expressed within my marital relationship. I am learning that there has been (and still continues to be) a reciprocal set of projections where I provide the “father” needs for my wife. Being able to talk about these has lessened the intensity, but has not removed them completely. In a way, I don’t think they can disappear. There is something vital in being needed and in needing in relationships.

Sky Clad: Hmmm . . . 

Ego: It’s easy to see how a guy could get lost in a woman though . . .

Sky Clad: Tell me what you’re thinking about here.

Ego: Well, you know, it feels so good – I feel so complete – but then I seem to disappear for a while.  When I am back in my skin, I want to get lost in her again and again and again. 

Sky Clad: Sounds like you are well on the journey, but unaware of what is happening. I want you to think of the journey of Odysseus. On that journey he fell under the spell of the feminine, under the spell of Circe who would have taken Odysseus’ manhood with the help of Hermes; and again how Odysseus was trapped by Calypso, on his way “home.” Odysseus spent years, lost in the intimacy of sex and passion in Calypso’s bed. There is a difference between getting lost in “le petit mort” of passion and authentic relationship between the masculine and the feminine. Odysseus learns this and is able to continue his journey to Penelope. At some point you have to learn the difference.

Ego: Is intimacy something to avoid? Are you saying that marriage doesn’t involve marital relations?

Sky Clad: Not at all – just that you need to be aware of what is really happening to you and why you are partaking in these relations. Is sex being used to contain and control you? Or is sex a shared intimacy freely given with no strings attached? Once you get that figured out, then you can look at your partner with a few less projections and hooks getting in the way – both of you become conscious of how and what your relationship is about. Enough for today – go meditate on this.