The first week of extra classes are done for me. My wife still has another class to teach this morning. Then, we will have the weekend off to go and do more exploring. We are planning on doing some dancing in the square along with almost a hundred others, all older Chinese couples for the most part. I have been meditating every day and finding it to be invaluable for my sanity.
I have avoided talking here about my mother, something that surprises me. I have always been her golden child, her first born according to her. This past summer I went to British Columbia to visit her and my brother, D. He lives close to her place and has been the one responsible for meeting her needs. My mother is in the hospital and it doesn’t look like she will leave it alive. She is on dialysis several times a week. My brother and I took care of all the legal documents regarding her care. Since the summer, my brother has been keeping me up to date on her progress.
Though she calls me her golden child, my conscious memories of life at home as a youth tell me a different story. I know that I don’t have all my memories of that time and those memories that I do have, she had denied as ever happening. I knew that she would never divulge anything that had a dark core. Now, because of doing my own psychoanalysis [and this includes dream work], I wonder if what is lurking in the shadows has to do with her. Only time will tell.
Learning to navigate thanks to daring to add nudity to my life at home is helping. The mental crash yesterday has been navigated and life goes on.
Next week both of us will be getting the rest of our classes, the addition of first year students who are spending their first weeks on campus training to become cohorts. They wear army fatigues and engage in boot camp-like exercises. Their cohorts are between fifty and sixty students in size. They will attend all their classes for the first two years as a cohort. And yes, that means that we will have large classes to teach.
The addition of these extra classes beginning on Monday, will keep me busier and that is a good thing. The more work I have, the less time for thinking. Now, I have to go back to lesson planning as we are going for an afternoon walk to the city centre later this afternoon.
The darkness is back with a vengeance. It is getting harder and harder to contain it. I am so thankful that I am able to keep it hidden from view from my students when I am teaching, and from my colleagues and friends when we are socialising. However, my wife knows. She always knows. However, there is nothing that we can do about it, such as my returning to proper Jungian psychoanalysis while we are here in China.
Because of our different teaching schedules, at least one class [an hour and a half sessions] each day I have at home in our apartment alone. I spend that time writing for the most part, usually for my Jungian psychology blog site. And, I am nude. I have been reading a book suggested by my wife [I have quite a few of my psychology books here in China] that focuses on self-psychology. That book has opened up a can of worms.
I don’t know where this is going, but I haven’t any choice but to go with it, or disappear into the darkness.
We are back in our home in China. We have lived in the same 150 square metre apartment since our first year here in 2006-2007. Well, it is almost the same. The first two years we lived in an identical apartment across the hall. As a result, it feels like home. Last year we had purchased paintings for the living room wall, as well as other Chinese hanging which decorate the rest of our split-level home. We have separate offices on the bottom level, with the kitchen and dining room on the upper level. Our bedroom and the living room are in between.
I am not sure why I needed to explain this, but if I am going to keep writing here, it might give some idea to whomever reads this about the setting for whatever comes next. I don’t know what will come next, but it looks as though I will be risking all in telling the world what will emerge.
I am going to consider myself my own client. I will be doing self-analysis in hopes that I do a better job of navigating the land in between the inner and outer worlds. Perhaps this will be my therapy station where I lay bare my soul.
My wife is out with one of our Chinese friends for a few hours this afternoon leaving me to relax. Jet lag is a real thing. We have a few days off before we have our first staff meeting. We will then have a few more days to get ready for our term one classes to begin. Since we have been through this before, and since I know what my courses are, I have already begun to make my term plans for the courses.
Now, I am signing off to get to work with those plans.