Nu comme le jour où je suis né

Month: August 2011

Waiting

Morning coffee in Brampton

I am in Brampton. I get to sleep downstairs in my son’s house, a space that is almost like a private suite. I have been bonding with my grandson who is almost two years old while his parents are at work during the day. There is nothing else on my agenda other than a planned visit with a Jungian psychiatrist friend who will be in Toronto in a few days. My son will be going with me for this visit. He has the car and knows how to navigate the roads to where I will be meeting with Michael.

Since my little grandson is not well, he has been taking frequent naps during the day. With his parents at work, I have been spending my time alone not wearing clothes. This image, unplanned, somehow came into existence. Why?

While waiting for my wife to arrive, I am finding that I am missing her. It is as though there is a hole in my life. I have become very, very quiet. And it is that quietness that has me again vulnerable to the shadows.

False Security of Walls

Goodbye hills

It’s been three weeks since my last post here. A lot of that time was about being busy as we have travelled to the homes of our children and they have travelled to see us at our home as well since we will be returning to China before the end of the month. Before we fly off, we will visit our son and his family in Toronto. I am heading there in a week as I will be babysitting our little grandson who is not feeling well. My wife will come closer to the end of the month.

Being active in the outer world has kept the shadows at a safe distance. There is nothing like a good distraction to avoid thinking too much. Today, I headed once again to the hills for a final farewell to the site of my summer healing. It is my hope that all will be settled enough to allow me to enjoy another year of teaching in China.

I thought that I would have ended this post with that last sentence. But I took another look at the image I had chosen [I took three earlier this afternoon] and I knew I had to say something more. It is about the fiction of separation. I was standing on one side of the barbed wire fence as though the fence separated two places. I knew that both sides of the fence were the same. The same could be said for my inner world and outer world.

As much as I would like to build a solid wall between my awareness, my consciousness and the unconscious dimension, my shadow, it just can’t be done. And that is what worries me.

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