Nu comme le jour où je suis né

Month: March 2010

Thinking Too Much

The Thinker

It’s the last day of March and we have only a few days left here in Costa Rica. We are talking about going back to China to teach as we both are having trouble filling in our hours and days. We won’t be making the decision until later this spring or early summer.

I got this photo yesterday and as with some of my past images, I did some photo editing to make it softer and fuzzier. Despite that, my depression is still evident. I somehow think I need a break from being here and posting. I have been thinking of deleting the blog site but I have a sense that it would be a mistake.

Since we will soon be home, I hope that life will keep me busy enough so that I don’t think too much. Here, just as the photo indicates, I think too much. I will leave everything here as it is in hopes that I will be well enough to return.

The Wounded Man

The wounded masculine

I am hesitating in putting this image here. I know that it is a photo of a penis, but I don’t think I could call it a dick pic. There is nothing sexual about it. There is a story behind the image that needs telling. But before I tell it, I have to say that I am not doing well mentally. I have fallen into a depression. Or, perhaps I should say that a long term depression has been building up and affecting my way of relating with the world in general and my wife in particular.

Two days ago while I was laying on my back on our bed in the middle of the afternoon, my wife placed this bandage on the tip of my penis. She said something about it being broken. Why she said this, I don’t know and I didn’t ask. I was too depressed to engage in conversation. I was wounded to my psychological core. Perhaps it has been partially about having too much time on my hands with too much thinking going on in the background. My Jungian Lens blog posts have been “heavy” and digging deep into masculine psychology.

My wife recognised that I was suffering as we have been down this road before in the 90s before I went for psychoanalysis. Her action was about caring and trying to add a bit of humour. I am blessed to have her by my side as I ride these waves of depression. So what had set off this round of depression? I think we both saw my lack of purpose and meaning at the heart of it. There will have to be some changes if I am to get out of this swampland of the soul.

Red Man in Playa Jaco

The red man

I am definitely turning red, not the same red as one gets from a sunburn, but a rich red-brown colour, and it pleases me. I am almost matching the colour of the private sunning space accessed from our bedroom. I can’t believe that it is already March. In a way, that is a depressing thought as it means that we will be returning to winter in Saskatchewan and the Canadian prairies. I am surprised at how much easier it is to post a photo such as this considering that this is really something new for me.

I have been enjoying Playa Jaco. As with Cuba and Mexico, I have been able to get in some skinny dipping in the ocean once evening darkness appears. Lately, I have been able to do the same in the daytime during high tide when a creek emptying into the north end of the beach becomes deep enough to hide me when I slip off my bathing suit.

We have been on several trips that have taken us to see an active volcano, crocodiles in a river, wild tropical birds, a butterfly refuge, and to do some snorkelling. We have decided that we won’t be returning to Costa Rica as there are too many other tropical places to see. We aren’t old enough to settle down in one winter place as snowbirds. Where we will go next is yet to be decided, With that decision made, we are seeing as much of this country as we can.

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