Holly – On Being Faithful to One’s Primary Relationship

Holly – I am my own mistress

Holly returns as I return to the second part of this series of posts that focuses on Daryl Sharp’s quote: “the license to be unfaithful”?

When we hear the word “unfaithful” the first assumption is that one partner has engaged in sexual relationships with someone outside of the relationship. Typically the scenario plays out where a man has stepped outside of his marriage to have a mistress. We assume that it is all about sex. He is deemed as unfaithful to his wife.

Now, if the same man has poured his extra-marital energy into his work, the result is still the same. Work becomes the mistress. All sorts of similar scenarios all point to the same result regardless of which partner in a relationship has stepped outside of the marriage to find a sense of fulfilment – finding something that helps to fill in the holes of the psyche. Daryl Sharp was talking about typical marriages between a man and a woman with the unfaithfulness being sexual in nature. Yet, it is obviously more than about sex, and not limited to heterosexual relationships. Any relationship can become threatened by one of the two stepping out of the relationship in search of the missing pieces of “self.

I am a naturist. Holly is a naturist. And, many of my friends are naturists whether they are friends in cyberspace of the face-to-face world. My wife is not a naturist. I drive off every once in a while to go to a naturist venue where I am naked in the company of naked men and women. Imagine the threat that this must feel like for my wife as I hang out with naked people while she is at home. This is something that we don’t share together. I have a different set of friends and I do different activities, something that I never did in the past. We were always joined at the hip, doing everything together sharing the belief that otherwise we would be placing our relationship, our marriage in jeopardy.

With that said, I want to shift to a different scenario which has the same relationship impact. I am a writer. Many of my friends are writers whether they are friends in cyberspace or in the face-to-face world. My wife is not a writer. I drive off every once in a while for a writing retreat or to engage in book-signing events. For example, as I write this post, I am in a city more than 500 kilometres away from home, camping alone between events. This is something we don’t share together. It is as though I have a different life being lived in the shadows. I am doing my thing while she is at home forced to find a way to do her own thing, alone.

Two different realities. Writing is my mistress as is naturism. My relationship with my wife somehow remains strong – in a way, I have the license to be unfaithful, giving time and energy to those two mistresses, time away from my wife. Somehow over the past few years we have both realised that if either of us don’t invest in our primary relationship to “self,” the relationship with each other is put an a greater risk. She tried being a naturist and suffered. I tried not being a naturist and suffered. So, what then?

Our marriage survives because we can honour the differences, allow … give license to … having separate passions that make us better people, perhaps allowing us to be better together as a result.

4 thoughts on “Holly – On Being Faithful to One’s Primary Relationship

  1. I really liked this post Robert. It resonated with me. I have given myself over so wholly to different ‘mistresses’ in my life that it has often left no time for enduring relationships with other people. Or rather, I became emotionally unavailable to other people because I was so invested in my personal ‘mistresses’ – those things such as writing and buddhism that are paths I tend to walk alone. As with all things in life, I guess one needs to find a balance between sacred personal space and sacred shared spaces.

  2. We share with you, your feelings about your passion, naturism and living a happy life, faithful to your positive outlook on life. It is unfortunate that your wife does not share your enthusiasm. But so long she is okay with it and happy fir you, then that us next best.
    We are both passionate about naturism and enjoy both at home, together and socially.
    Love the pics of Holly. She is a lovely lady and genuinely nice person. We are so happy about her enthusiasm with naturism.

    Jan&Gary 😊

  3. Robert, this post reminds me of the novel by Hugh MacLennan, Two Solitudes”: the title, as you may be aware, picks up on Rilke’s line in his “Letters to a Young Poet,” by which he means, essentially, that one must have the confidence to be alone with one’s self, and content to be alone with one’s self, in order to have the authenticity that is needed for a genuine relationship with another. And as I listen to you through your writing, I sense that to be a writer, and to be a naturist, gives you the authenticity that you need in order to sustain a long-term relationship with your wife: and also with the world of those who read what you write. So your naked solituce is a gift to you: and it is also a gift to us. Thank you.

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