Archive for the ‘soulmates’ tag
Intimacy and Distance
Another look at the architectural style that is being preserved in quite a few locations in the city shows classical lines and contrast. The colour, or should I say the lack of colour as in comparison to Latin America speaks loudly about keeping it simple yet classy. But of course, it isn’t an either/or for me. I enjoy both, colour, and black & white; both China and the colourful heat of Latin America.
I love the intensity of colour and heat in Latin America as well as the language. I could easily see myself in my private villa enjoying the best of the winter season in warmth. But then again, the vitality and contrasts in China invites me to remain here as well. But of course, I don’t have to choose one or the other. I can choose both without thoughts of exclusivity. By spending most of the time in neither, I can better appreciate these places from a distance. I know that to actually choose one over the other would have me become poorer. It is the same with relationships.
Like almost all other modern men and women, I have bought into the idea of “Soulmates.” Thomas Moore’s book as well as a number of others by various authors, as well as classical literature over the centuries have painted high expectation on us poor humans in terms of relationships. Anyone who dares partner up with us is bound, in the end, to disappoint and give rise to anger. A mere human being cannot hold all the the word “soulmate” encompasses. Yet, we willingly put out their, our “lost other,” the half of ourselves that will make us whole, even holy.
“The mistake is expecting to find our “lost other” in the outside world. In fact, it is our contrasexual self inner other, animus or anima, who should be the object of our search. Outer relationships, already hampered by personal complexes and a multitude of day-to-day concerns, cannot bear the extra weight of archetypal expectations. Although individuation is not possible without relationship, it is not compatible with togetherness.
Individuation, finding your own unique pat, requires a focus on the inner axis, ego to unconscious – getting to know yourself. The ideal of togetherness lets you off that hook. Togetherness doesn’t acknowledge the natural boundaries between people, and it gives short shrift to their differences. All you are left with is unconscious identity. When you are on the path of individuation, focused on your own psychological development, you relate to others from a position of personal integrity. This is the basis for intimacy with distance. It is not as sentimental as togetherness, but is’s not as sticky either.” (Sharp, Jungian Psychology Unplugged, p. 73)
There’s a lot to chew on here. Hmmm? Time to sit quiet and think.
