Archive for the ‘Father’s Day’ tag
I am taking this opportunity to write about Father’s Day with the primary focus on the young men in my life who have become fathers and in the process, gifting me with six incredible grandsons. Two of these young men married my daughters. Of course, a father finds it difficult to give up his daughters into the care of another man. For me, it became a bit easier because in both cases, these men became my sons which meant that my daughters remained close to the heart in terms of association and physical presence. My son, the youngest of the three children, has remained close even though geographical distance grew as he followed his own family and career. I am blessed with my children.
These young fathers have blessed me with six grandsons, a grandfather’s dream. However, due to the vagaries of nature, I don’t have a grand-daughter to spoil as a princess. That means, I continue to keep my own daughters as princesses who have turned into queens in their own right. Like their mother, they are fierce and determined and very territorial when it comes to family.
Parenting is the central focus in each of the three families. As a father, it means a lot to me to see my children grow and mature and carry forward the belief in family first.
Being a father isn’t an easy thing. There is more to the role than simply supplying the sperm that is necessary to create new life. There is more to the role than simply supplying the dollars needed to financially support the family unit. We learn to be fathers by watching our own fathers, if we have the opportunity to do so, an opportunity that is not to be taken for granted as marriages end up in divorces, or fathers die, or fathers are so broken by life that they can’t function as fathers whether present or absent in the lives of their children.
I learned a lot from my own father on how to be and not be a father. He didn’t teach me consciously, but rather through simply how he acted in that role. Most of what he taught me through being my father was how not to be a father. Yet, there were a few things that he taught me that were of value, the skills of hammer and saw, how to see a finished product which would guide my hands through the work. The most vital lesson he taught me was that we are all wounded, that we all suffer and in turn hurt others. It was a lesson that has allowed me to be more compassionate with my children and accept them for who they really are rather than demanding that they be perfect people. That has allowed me to be comfortable around my incredible children and grandchildren knowing that I am as imperfect as any other man who has been graced with children. I am free to be authentically myself, warts and all.
Happy Father’s Day to all men who have fathered and have dared to take on the role of father in fact as well as by biology.
This was the view from the back deck of my home which I took last night at 10:01 pm. I have to admit, I love the colours of the sky after the sun has set and before darkness has hidden the clouds. It is raining as I write this, a necessary rain for the farms, gardens and lawns here in the open prairies of Saskatchewan, Canada. The prairie gets thirsty.
Humans get thirsty as well. Of course, I am thinking of something more than just a beverage here, I am thinking of how one’s soul gets thirsty, how one’s heart yearns for nourishment. Rain, water, food from the unconscious depths found within. Of course, that depth is more than just a personal depth, it is also a depth that reaches both up and down to include the One, the Self, or whatever name you want to call your god(s). You don’t find “your” god “out there.” The kingdom is within according to the bible of Christianity. To place your centre “outside” of self is to be separated leaving you hollow, feeling empty. Leaving your god “outside” allows you to believe that you are a victim of life rather than the day-to-day co-creator or you life. Blame it all on the gods.
This placing of gods “outside” of self is just another way of projecting our unconscious, hidden inner aspects into the outer world.
We may fear to know what we know, so its costliness persuades ego to seek a thousand evasions; thus we dissemble, procrastinate, project … (James Hollis, Celebrating a Life, 2001, p. 130)
Another photo from yesterday, this time a ruffed grouse otherwise known as prairie chicken in this part of Canada. After taking the photo, I noticed a bee in the photo over the bird’s head. Obviously, the bee was quite close when the photo was taken.
Today’s golf was a social tournament. I don’t really care for this kind of golfing, but it is the price to pay to be part of a community, playing with the community. I much prefer playing a quiet game when there are few people out on the course when I can focus better. That said, I played well for my skill level and left satisfied with my efforts, both on the course and off. Dues have been paid.
Tomorrow is Father’s Day. Somehow, I don’t connect well with these kind of celebrations. I don’t care for Hallmark card kind of events such as Father’s Day as they have little meaning because they are commercialized. For me, the real Father’s Day with my children, is my birthday. And even that, is best when kept very low key.