Archive for the ‘conference’ tag
I am rather pleased with how well this low light photo turned out, a photo I took in a cave in Marble Mountain just south of Da Nang, Vietnam. It’s not a perfect photo, but then again, that isn’t the point. The idea is to capture an idea, a feeling, a hint of something beyond the actually image.
I get both a sense of power and of almost acceptance for who I am in relation to the whole, to God, to the Self. I know that I am not the whole though I do feel part of the whole. I know this; it resonates within. Yet . . .
In the face-to-face world, I don’t measure up even a little bit and come up short on too many scales. I am an outsider for the most part. I am distant. I am flawed with a high level of distract-ability which often finds me leave projects in various stages of completion only to have them forgotten and abandoned. I am becoming more and more “selfish” in terms of relation to others. What does this mean? I guess it means taking more time to listen to myself, to honour myself and to accept myself in spite of what others might want, need or demand.
And I get angry with the attitudes that tell me I am getting worse as I get older. I get angry at myself for getting caught up in this anger. And I get angry with others who let me know that I am failing in terms of what is expected of me in relationships. I know that there is no need for anger within me, that I should not take the attitudes of others to heart and let those attitudes wound me. I know that the attitudes are not really about me at all, but about each of those who look at me and evaluate me as “worse.” But, there is this damned “hook” that I carry that catches all of these projections and then suffer the turmoil until the energy has dissipated enough so that I can see what has happened to me, by me.
I have learned a few things along the way during these six decades of living. One of the valuable lessons is to own my own stuff and not take on the stuff of others. Of course, this lesson is always after the fact. At least this allows me some peace when the conflict/complex is deactivated within me. I turn away from the black hole that could consume me, that of being a victim, and turn towards a hint of the numinous that embraces me and tells me that I belong.
While sitting in a conference meeting in China, two years ago, I took this photo of the ceiling. You can see the projector for the presentation which had been lowered from the circular mirrored surface. Obviously the presentation wasn’t too engrossing for me as my attention wandered, something that often happens to me. In the mirrored surface of the circle on the ceiling is a reflection of the group gathered for the presentation. Now that caught my attention. Now, I was in dreamland.
In my dreams, there is quite a cast of characters. Each of these characters such as anima, appear in a number of disguises confusing the issue of exactly who they are in the dream. They change their ages, their appearance, and their sense of presence. Yet, they are important no matter what guise they take. In fact, the guise they wear is vital in order to communicate needed information to the self. Note that I said the self and not the ego. Most times it doesn’t matter if the ego isn’t even aware that a dream happened let alone who was in the dream. Yet, sometimes a dream forces itself into the ego’s consciousness. When this happens, it’s time to pay attention. Of course, that is a good time for working with a guide, a dream guide, who will ask questions. The best dream guides will never give you an answer, an interpretation of the dream. Only the dreamer, in the end, can know this.