So you fell in love and before you knew it, all hell broke loose. “What the hell just happened? Who is this stranger and what do I do now?”
The stranger who captured the heart is no stranger at all. The parts of self that have been cast out, pulled out by the resonance of something buried deep beneath the surface of the stranger, know intimately, the soul of the Magical Other.
Depth psychology tells us that what is cast out are projections of denied self, that we see the denied gold within ourselves in this Magical Other. Our histories, our complexes serve to form and shape these projections which have found a home, a hook upon which they can be caught by the unconscious shadow of the Magical Other.
Yet there is more to it than this. It is more than projection, it is as much, if not more, attraction as though the self is pulled to the other. I think of it in terms of energy. After all, what and who we are is as much about energy as anything else. Science, Physics tells us that everything, including people, is composed of subatomic particles called quarks which somehow arrange themselves. Interesting to note that for every quark there is an antiquark, its opposite which “differs from the quark only in that some of its properties have equal magnitude but opposite sign.”
A magnetic field is created between the opposite fields of energy as shown in this model I borrowed from the Basics of Magnetism. The movement of the energy in a magnetic field includes both attraction and repulsion in a constant flowing away and returning to form what we have long called the symbol of eternity.
This idea of opposites being necessary movement around each other is also found in ancient Chinese science and philosophy with the image of yin-yang representing that necessary co-existence if there is to be matter.
In Chinese philosophy, the feminine or negative principle (characterized by dark, wetness, cold, passivity, disintegration, etc.) of the two opposing cosmic forces into which creative energy divides and whose fusion in physical matter brings the phenomenal world into being.
In Chinese philosophy, the masculine or positive principle (characterized by light, warmth, dryness, activity, etc.) of the two opposing cosmic forces into which creative energy divides and whose fusion in physical matter brings the phenomenal world into being.
Of course all of this information has simply the task of pointing to awareness that I want to use in hopes of understanding something about what the hell happened when I found myself falling in love. And as soon as I realised what I had discovered, I saw the connection with falling in hate. It seems we can’t have one without the other. Where there is no affect on the unconscious psyche, or very little affect, we have separation with space which allows others to have an identity without our projections foisted upon them.
Does this make any sense? Not all that much. What does make sense is that feeling of being pulled into relationship and then finding myself pushing back in order to reclaim my sense of being an individual only to find myself being pulled once again back into relationship. It is some sort of magic that has entranced both my wife and myself over the decades. Somehow we have held together during the moments and sometimes seasons of repulsion to slip back into that embrace that has the self “fall” into the other.
Others don’t have it so lucky and so find themselves repeating the first cycles over and over again as they spin lost in the dance of attraction and repulsion. I, and likely you, have seen so many others give up on the romance and the person only to enter into new relationships with another Magical Other that is like a clone of the one abandoned. We comment about how they always choose the same kind of “loser” or “lover” (depending on our prejudices) and seem stuck, unable to evolve. It’s as if the “call” to self-discovery is attempted until it gets too fearful, to difficult having us flee into a drab existence where we can hide from the pain and confusion that “woke” at the intersection of attraction and repulsion. When the pain has been numbed enough, we again are ripe for the “call.”