By our intellect we can become conscious of our life dreams, like you wrote “an intellectual idea” – but this life dream is not created by the intellect, it is created by our fantasy…..!

You have this dream of a Pilgrimage, to travel the road or the path to Santiago – el Camino de Santiago.
As you wrote a journey of 800 kilometers.

I am sure that in this dream you have considered and maybe more all of the agony to walk this road – the hot sun, the thirst, the hunger, the loneliness, the dusty long road that lays ahead of you, hill up, hill down seeming endless and the pain in your body because your muscles protest – and last but not least how many times the thought of giving up this walk entered your mind.

Does this sounds familiar to you ?
You also wrote: “I have built too many layers of blinds that separate the core of my self from the world I find myself so that when I try to find that core self I find something blurry like the scene outside my window in the photo above”.

Could it be, that you are in one way or the other you are unaware that this Pilgrimage is already manifesting itself IN your psyche ?
Could it be, that in your fantasy el Camino de Santiago, is loaded with messages of the Self which are not or not enough noticed ?
Could it be that when this is so – that in one way you walk “el Camino de Satiago” but in another way you walk “Perder el Camino de Santiago “ ?
(Perder el Camino, translated means, get lost, lose the way, in French en perte and perdu).

Could it be that Life, in the one case let you experience all evil contained that once was in the Box of Pandora, but was set free – and in the other case supplied you with the only one thing that was left in the Box, namely, Elpis, the Spirit of Hope.

I truly hope that on your journey you finally can lessen your thirst with water that has turned into wine.