Honouring the Numinous Presence Within
Buddha in a cave in Marble Mountain, DaNang, Vietnam
I am rather pleased with how well this low light photo turned out, a photo I took in a cave in Marble Mountain just south of Da Nang, Vietnam. It’s not a perfect photo, but then again, that isn’t the point. The idea is to capture an idea, a feeling, a hint of something beyond the actually image.
I get both a sense of power and of almost acceptance for who I am in relation to the whole, to God, to the Self. I know that I am not the whole though I do feel part of the whole. I know this; it resonates within. Yet . . .
In the face-to-face world, I don’t measure up even a little bit and come up short on too many scales. I am an outsider for the most part. I am distant. I am flawed with a high level of distract-ability which often finds me leave projects in various stages of completion only to have them forgotten and abandoned. I am becoming more and more “selfish” in terms of relation to others. What does this mean? I guess it means taking more time to listen to myself, to honour myself and to accept myself in spite of what others might want, need or demand.
And I get angry with the attitudes that tell me I am getting worse as I get older. I get angry at myself for getting caught up in this anger. And I get angry with others who let me know that I am failing in terms of what is expected of me in relationships. I know that there is no need for anger within me, that I should not take the attitudes of others to heart and let those attitudes wound me. I know that the attitudes are not really about me at all, but about each of those who look at me and evaluate me as “worse.” But, there is this damned “hook” that I carry that catches all of these projections and then suffer the turmoil until the energy has dissipated enough so that I can see what has happened to me, by me.
I have learned a few things along the way during these six decades of living. One of the valuable lessons is to own my own stuff and not take on the stuff of others. Of course, this lesson is always after the fact. At least this allows me some peace when the conflict/complex is deactivated within me. I turn away from the black hole that could consume me, that of being a victim, and turn towards a hint of the numinous that embraces me and tells me that I belong.
Robert,
Jung tells us; “consciousness is like a burden of guilt.” Further Jung explains in “The Spiritual Problem of Modern Man,” the dilemma you describe. Read “The Spiritual Problem of Modern Man” online, free at: http://www.scribd.com/doc/12363296/the-spiritual-problem-of-modern-man-jung To be Jungian one must be willing to take on the full spectrum his psychology encompasses. This is why is careful, in this essay, to make clear what he means by the term “modern man.”
BTW – are you an ENFP?
John Ferric
5 Jun 11 at 9:51 PM
Thanks for reminding me of the “modern man” essay. LOL, I have it sitting in a folder in my documents and need to revisit it.
rgl
6 Jun 11 at 12:20 PM
Dear Robert,
Thank you for this Post that I read today – it amazes me every time how much we have in common, how much we share.
The day before yesterday my wife and I sat in the garden and as we often do, had a conversation about our experiences within ourselves in relation to others.
And yes, we discussed the issue of what you wrote “One of the valuable lessons is to own my own stuff and not take on the stuff of others”.
“And once the conflict/complex is deactivated within ourselves” – for us this deactivated (secret/sacred) process means that the conflict/complex, after it is deactivated within ourselves, is (without words) returned (by itself) to the other.
It is interesting (and funny) to see that the expression on the face of (some) others changes in an expression of utterly bewilderment surprise when they receive their “stuff” back.
I don’t ask the other why he is surprised and what he/she experience as emotion, because life learned me that the other for some reason or the other can’t give me an honest answer.
In Indonesia, to thank somebody they say : Terimah Kasi and the others person is supposed to say Terimah Kasi Kembali.
Although this is commonly used – in fact it is a Mantram in origin – Free translated it means: Terimah Kasi (receive the given gift) and Terimah Kasi Kembali (I return to you the “same” gift as the one that you gave me).
Opa Bear
6 Jun 11 at 5:49 PM
Hi Opa, I am sitting in the Shanghai airport as I write this waiting for a plane that has been delayed six hours. For some reason I am not in the least upset with the waiting. I am excited to hear that we have much in common, Opa. One thing we do have different is the dialogue with our spouses. Our dialogue is more outer world based including family topics and work topics (she teaches at the same university as I do). There is no shared interest in psychology or the subjective world.
When one gives another his or her stuff back I would imagine that the recipient has no idea what has happened and cannot understand it even if patiently explained and described. Most have no understanding of projections nor a recognition of their part in the process. I like the Indonesian model that you bring here. Thank you.
rgl
9 Jun 11 at 8:54 PM
I, too am amazed (and thrilled) to know someone else who a)tries so hard to be conscious, b)knows how flawed he is, c) gets angry at himself for his flaws, d) gets angry at himself for getting angry at himself, e) still catches projections….I could go on and on. Your posts are so refreshing and affirming! Thank you.
Jeanie
Jean Raffa
9 Jun 11 at 8:14 AM
As a Buddhist Quaker I am forever searching for ways to help me learn to live without reacting to my projections. I have come upon “A Course In Miracles” from the Foundation for Inner Peace. It offers a process to help one become more dispassionate, and less reactive to the illusions we face everyday. (Note, the daily exercises bear no attachment to a religion; however, in some of the readings outside of the daily exercises, there is reference to Christianity.) I am noticing more room in my heart and mind – a freedom from what once kept me shackeled down and eaten up by my reactions to ghosts.
patricia
9 Jun 11 at 12:32 PM
I am glad that you are finding more room in your heart and mind, Patricia. Thank you for coming, reading and sharing here.
rgl
11 Jun 11 at 5:05 AM
rgl
11 Jun 11 at 5:08 AM