I took this photo a few nights ago while looking out of my window. It wasn’t because I was simply being lazy, rather it was about wanting to “frame” the moon and the scene. I am again searching for ways to hint at what it looks like to be within darkness looking out at the world outside with which one wants connection. One a side note, I did go outside to get full photos of the moon for my archives.
“Whoever leads a solitary life, and yet now and then wants to attach himself somewhere; whoever, according to changes in the time of day, the weather, the state of his business and the like, suddenly wishes to see any arm at all to which he might cling – he will not be able to manage for long without a window looking on to the street.” (Kafka, The Street Window)
It’s actually interesting to watch where an image leads me. I first thought of my last posts about my brother-in-law, Michael and thought that this post and photo might be about him as well. Little did I realise that I was talking about myself. It’s strange how one can be in a group of people without feeling a part of the group, feeling like someone who peers out into a world of others, a world from which one feels disconnected even thought connections are present.
The journey of individuation does funny things to the world of relationship. Travelling this insular journey down pathways that are almost non-existent, one puts distance between self and others. And in the process, one is left in a state of tension. One part of self wants to be embraced by family, friends and community; while another part of self is itchy for the solitary path upon which incredible discoveries await. One is torn between the two poles.
This is where I often find myself. I cherish the moments of solitude and get upset when life demands too much presence from me, especially when I am in the active hunt, rummaging thought photos taken in the past, out with the camera in search of new photos, thumbing through books long read in search of another resonance, reading a new book with eyes-wide-open for something that might hint at a new-for-me idea, and when writing here.
And when the self is filled to saturation for the moment, it is at this time that I look through the street window of my own eyes into the world of other, craving connection and belonging.