Archive for June 2nd, 2010
I took this photo four days ago. Yes, that is snow! The scene was at a rest stop near the Alberta – Saskatchewan border. As we continued driving west, the snow became thicker until we found ourselves in a full winter blizzard. The temperature was hovering near zero Celsius, so we knew that the snow wouldn’t last long on the ground. Two days later, it was as if the storm had never happened.
Storms have always interested me. More often than not, they give me a sense of comfort when I am in the house, safe. When I am outside, it becomes more of a contest in which I am pitted against the storm. I like to push the boundaries of safety so that I feel the adrenaline rush. But, I only do so with a careful eye to rescuing myself if I wander too deeply into the storm. There is a difference between taking conscious risks and entering the storm oblivious of the danger.
Why do I enjoy these storms? Well, I guess the most obvious reason is that I am left feeling very alive. The storms pull me out of my head, pull into the world where I can feel and connect with that world. When storms arrive and my first reaction is positive, I know that I have been too withdrawn and dissociated. The outer storms challenge me to look inwards and uncover the blockages that get in the way of connection. Storms in dreams do much the same.
I can also tell the difference in my inner state when a storm in the outer world doesn’t make me feel more alive. Storms generally become more of an obstacle that seems to want to force me to slow down in the outer world, force me to acknowledge the inner world. I can tell the difference through my responses.
Looking back at the photo, I noticed that the tree is showing blossoms, the promise of fruit. Would the storm kill these promises and force the tree to wait for another year before producing fruit? More often that not, this is the case if the blossoms freeze. The lost potential fruit is not a permanent response, it is simply a fact delayed. And like the fruit tree, I must accept setbacks knowing that new awareness will come. For now, I am not ready to become more conscious of self. The container must be ready to hold the fruit.