Fences. Most of the time I don’t care for fences, especially when wandering out in the countryside. Yet, I do understand the need for fences. It’s all about boundaries. Sometimes it is about keeping animals out of a field, sometimes it is about keeping animals within a field; but, more often than not, fences mark the line that separates different landowners, the same as one finds within towns and cities.
Boundaries are usually easy to maintain when one is dealing with most people. However when we are in closer relationships, boundaries become problematical. The closer the relationship, the more blurred the line that separates. Why? I think it has to do with projections, when we unconsciously attribute to another, various aspects of our personal shadow whether those aspects are positive or negative. Shadow contains both aspects. Withdrawing projections allows us to get to know the reality of a person, lets us separate from them so that each has the opportunity to be unique.
I have been somewhat of a slow learner with regards to this as for too many years I have had a father-complex that has tainted any of my relationships to other males. It took a lot of conflict with those men who were in authority positions over me before I realised that it was my shadow that was at the root of the problems rather than them. Of course, it doesn’t mean some of them were wisely handling their authority positions.
Now that I have somewhat dealt with the father-complex, I become a better man in relation to other men, especially in relation to my son and my sons-in-law. I don’t have to always be right. I can see and appreciate their strengths. This makes it easier for me to be with them, and easier for me to be with myself. Doing the work always pays off.